Thursday, July 17, 2014

Our readers vie to be N.C. poet laureate

When we invited readers to a mid-year one-shot limerick contest, we thought the tight deadline (less than 48 hours) might limit the number of entries.

The (phony) prospect of auditioning to be North Carolina's next poet laureate, though, was strong, and we received 75 limericks in response. Gov. Pat McCrory was criticized by poets this week for bypassing the traditional procedure and naming his own poet laureate, Valerie Macon, with no input. Our army of high-brow poets had their own thoughts on the kerfuffle.

Wrote John Long of Stanley:

Ms. Macon is now feeling great.

She's the top Tar Heel poet. But wait,

This gal got the gold,

After Pat was just told,

Mother Goose doesn't hail from our state.

Ken Burrows of Charlotte, familiar with John Long from the Observer's annual limericks contest, has an idea:

Do we need one more crisis to worry at?

A poetry war to be sorry at?

It can't be so hard

To pick a state bard.

Let that Long fellow be the next laureate.

Wes Long of Cramerton wonders whether politics played a role in McCrory's selection:

Pat's choice is a curious thing.

Our Art Council's feeling the sting,

And they're questioning whether

Macon's of the right feather,

And not simply of the right wing.

Former Mecklenburg commissioners chair Carla DuPuy backs McCrory's approach.

The governor, just doing his job,

Has rankled the poetic mob.

Without a committee,

To meet in some city,

He's saved the taxpayers a gob!

James H. Culbreth Jr. of Charlotte, points out that Macon's work has been self-published.

"You're the Poet!" said our Guv McCrory

As he ruled The North State like a Tory.

But the books on the shelf

Macon published herself,

Makin' Raleigh the butt of this story.

Alan J. Hoyle of Denver thinks McCrory has lost a few votes:

A man named Pat is our Guv,

He runs our fair state without love.

All the poets did scream,

"It's our job you demean.

You can take your job and go shove."

Other strong entries:

Bill Bennett of Terrell:

When doing the things that you oughter

Your logic should always hold water.

"A poet, you said?"

Our Guv scratched his head,

"I thought I was choosing a potter."

Again from John Long:

The bards of our state, now frenetic,

Say Pat's laureate pick was pathetic.

They call it a crime,

Without reason or rhyme,

And the justice they seek is poetic.


As a Governor, Pat is a rookie,

So his judgment is known to play hookie.

When the bards, with one voice,

Panned his laureate choice,

McCrory just baked them a cookie.

From Cindy Clemens of Charlotte:

O's book promised change and hope

Next came books from Hill and the Pope

Pat's poet bit fizzed

but he wants in the biz

self pubbed, "Audacity of Dope?"
Written and submitted by: Kathie Grigg '87 and Adelaide Davis '61, Queens University Charlotte:

There is a young governor named Pat

Who must have forgot where he's at.

We need a REAL poet,

Whose name we'll all know it-

Be Republican OR Democrat!

Bill McGloughlin of Charlotte gave his best efforts on other state capital matters:

It first seemed like a sideshow distraction,

But his Airport Commission has traction.

While his seat looks secure

There are some who would sure

Like to see a Bob Rucho extraction.


Raleigh's taking great pains now to note

Teacher pay should be more than a mote.

What brought this turnabout?

Did they just figure out?

Teachers all have IDs. They can vote.

Phil Clutts of Harrisburg:

The precedent gave rise to some scares,

And of course quite a few angry glares,

But did Pat really blow it,

In choosing that poet,

Or just know that in fact no one cares?


Is it true for all jobs that he fills?

That his picks might come with no frills?

If there's no other basis,

Than being in his good graces,

It could account for all manner of ills.

Another from Ken Burrows:

All government's corrupted and marred.

The guv should be feathered and tarred.

Institutions must tumble

At this almighty fumble:

Pat picked, on his own, the state bard.

From J. David Abernethy of Hickory:

For the Swedish Nobels to disburse

a Peace Prize for bowing seemed cursed;

Was the Governor's pick

of a self-published chick

a better choice? Or was it verse?

From Mark Adcock:

Seems the best the Observer can do,

Is stir up so much ado.

It seems a bit much

Over poets and such.

Maybe someday there'll be some real news.

From Sarah J. Price, Charlotte:

Rucho, Berger and Tillis

Has us asking "What you talkin' bout Willis?"

But when poetry is key

Just between you and me

McCrory is downright clueless.

From Michael Childs:

Mad Poets and Press wax apoplectic

To save their protocol contraceptic!

The answer--of course!

Is a plea to Fed courts

To impose pleaders' justice poetic.

From Donald Megahan of Huntersville:

To the complaints that Ms. Macon's a student
and say that Pat's choice isn't prudent
I can only reply
That the choice, were it I
Would then be in need of improvement.

From Charlotte's Loyd Dillon:

"Conservatives" N.C. accurse

And to fat-cats the booty disburse.

McCrory who's with 'em

Has (with no ear for rhythm),

Gone from, sad to say, bad to verse.

From Lou Breaux of Charlotte:

"Tarnation" says Yosemite Sam.

Popeye says "I yam what I yam".

Poet laureates? Nyet !

But you see what you get

When your choices come from Disneyland.

And, finally, from Charlotte Haberyan:

Dear Gov, I would like to apply

For the job writing poems on the fly.

I'll compose every day

In the Dr. Seuss way -

Here's my limerick - do I qualify?


Janet B said...

There once was a governor named Pat,
Who proudly wore ‘stupid’ on his hat.
His arrogance he showed it
When he appointed the state’s poet.
Cried he, No Cookies for Elites – so take that!

Ghoul said...

I noticed the headline in the paper says are you better than Macon, yet none of Macon's work was published to compare.

Its obvious to be that Taylor Batten hates women. More of the Observer's war on women.

Sam Crubish said...

Said Pat, when he hired a poet,
"What protocol?" (He didn't know it.)
The Kluttz had no clue,
Like Pat's Capitol crew;
Together, they managed to blow it.

Paula McSwain said...

A sample of Valerie Macon's poetry :
Sample of the work:

Vegetarian Meat Lover

Clicking into Vinny’s Pizza
in Jimmy Choo platform pumps,
a woman, six feet tall
and straight as a sunflower,
in high-waisted jeggings
and gold cropped tee.
Her boyfriend,
a weed sprout beside her,
ambles in Old Navy flip-flops.

She holds her yellow head high
like a flower tilted towards sun,
scans the chalked daily specials,
tapping Black Truffle acrylics
in the rhythm of a gentle spring rain.

She orders vegetarian pizza.
The boyfriend, arms coiled around her,
orders the meat lover's special.

Tried to go to her web site. Not Found. But this is quite a ditty