Wednesday, March 14, 2012

There once was a candidate named Newt...

We're sure at least one group of election watchers held out hope for a Newt Gingrich resurgence Tuesday in the Alabama and Mississippi Republican primaries. That group, of course, would be the contestants in the Charlotte Observer Limericks contest.

After all, who would want such a prolific supplier of fine subject matter to walk away?

The former House speaker obliged our thirst for material again last week by extolling the virtues of natural gas to Mississippi voters last week. John Long of Stanley couldn’t resist:

But Newt Gingrich…and natural gas?
Though it may cause a stink,
Thanks Observer (wink wink),
This gift is just too good to pass.
Lou Breaux of Charlotte also knows some prime material when he sees it:
Filmed a gas rig for Obama to see.
Some folks say it’s all show
But it seems apropos
That Newt favors his gas naturally.
Good thing others can step up and fill the Gingrich void. Evangelist Pat Robertson, say hello to Charlotte’s Loyd Dillon:
So for hipness, he did something galling:
His “Legalize pot!”
Is now smokin’ hot
And part of his new “higher calling.”
It’s not just the national figures who supply the good stuff to our entrants. N.C. Rep. George Cleveland of Onslow County, who declared there is no “extreme poverty in North Carolina,” caught the eye of Ken Burrows of Charlotte:
Under bridges, in woods – by the score.
No tongue can recite
Their relief and delight
To learn, after all, they’re not poor.
Charlotte’s Bill McGloughlin saw communications possibilities in Brad Keselowski tweeting from his car during a Daytona 500 delay:
And they are quite a talented bunch.
It’s OK, don’t you know,
We’re professionals, so,
Multitasking’s no problem for ...CRUNCH!
Charleen Bolt of Charlotte is dealing with her own distractions:
Here comes the coughing and wheezing.
Inhale the Flonase,
Walk around in a daze.
Achoo! I wish it was still freezing.
Wes Long of Cramerton sees some improvements Donald Trump could make to The Point Golf Club in Mooresville, should they accept his purchase bid:
Of ideas to solve disrepair.
To save money restoring
He’d redo the Club’s flooring
With cheap rugs, or as Trump calls ‘em, hair.
Great entries, all of them. But our winner this week, John Long, returns us appropriately to Newt Gingrich, one more time:
To hubris, this guy is no stranger.
I read yesterday,
In his thick resume,
For “Place of Birth” it says “a manger.”
The best of the rest:

Lou Breaux, Charlotte
Romney’s family pet dog was exposed
In that car rooftop crate, locked and closed.

If Mitt does gets elected

Then I guess it’s expected,

Just like Seamus, we’re about to get hosed…
Ken Burrows, Charlotte

You're not poor in NC, the pols. say,
If you're getting $2 a day.

After all, grits and beans

And fatback and greens

Are more wholesome than steak or souffle.
Tommy Forney, on those ubiquitous ED commercials
If for loving you don't need cold showers
Take a pill, not just silly old flowers

There's no reason to grieve,

Those ads have you believe

And you'll be fine for three point five hours.

Madeleine Begun Kane
Mitt Romney would love all this over:
Nomination sewn up, in like clover,
All primed for a fight
To be Prez with the right
To ride Limo One topped with Rover.
Constance Kolpitcke

Fast food chains to their credit did declare
No more pink slime in their fare.

But the USDAA approves serving the stuff
In school lunch programs, sure 'nuff.

Let parents and students beware!
Wes Long, Cramerton:
The CMS wireless conception
Has gotten an ice-cold reception

From some folks on the right

Who think iPads just might

Be some kind of new contraception.

John Long, Stanley

My Lake Norman home value's week,
So now reassessment I seek.
My house, like an otter,
Has gone underwater
My current address? Up a creek.

Ballantyne thinks that Charlotte's a bore.
Independence, they'd like to explore.
If you're thinking secession,
Show a little discretion.
Ask a native. We've tried this before.
Joel Zauss, of Charlotte:
To keep ladies’ rights tightly confined.
War on women is waged
And the girls are enraged
Now “goodbye” he can kiss his behind.

Taylor Batten is back in charge next week. Send entries to him at Deadline: Noon Monday for Wednesday publication.


Anonymous said...

The job of the Prez is real cush

For the most part just set on your tush

Take the money from workers

To give to the shirkers

When it fails you can blame it on Bush

Betty Taylor said...

I think that I never shall see
A billboard as nice as a tree.
But conservatives do
And that means that you
Should cast your votes quite careful-ly.
Betty Taylor, Charlotte

Obama's opponents are slick,
And they're raising oil prices real quick.
They know recovery will slow
And credit can't go
To the President they've all vowed to lick.
Betty Taylor, Charlotte

By the end of a president's four,
Smart voters have figured the score.
So the chance is remote
That you'll e'er change their vote
By spending a trillion or more.
Betty Taylor, Charlotte

Women's rights are the theme of the day
With Republicans having their way.
Just in case they should win
And being female's a sin,
My burqa is now on the way.
Betty Taylor, Charlotte

DistrictSix said...

There once was a paper called the Observer.

Who covered thing liberal with fervor.

Even though it did not pay.

They were quick to say.

To all liberal views we are faithfully, a server.

The Observer Editorial Board said...

Who knew such poetic talent resided in the comments?

Thanks, all. But keep it clean.


Anonymous said...

In this day and age who'd a thunkit
We'd be bent on a communist junkit
If the bill of rights say
It can't happen that way
That's OK 'cause ol' Barry will chunkit

Anonymous said...

The first thing on the President's docket
Is to crack down on Wall Street and lock it
He says they don't get it
But he won't admit it
He's their man, and they're lining his pocket

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Thanks so much for including my Mitt Romney limerick in your post!

Anonymous said...

there was a politician named Newt who thought he could give Romney the boot, he said with decorum, I'll fight with Santorum, but with Paul I don't give a hoot.

Anonymous said...

The "people's servant" named Grant
Thought Cornelians would only rant.
"So, I'll make them pay
In the worst kind of way
For my crescent whose residents just can't," (thought Grant.)
The Cornelians, they toiled while they fumed,
Fairness in assessments was what they'd presumed.
But, alas, how naive to hope for a reprieve.
Their significance was that of ant
to Grant

Anonymous said...

To all who believe in Obama
We say Yo Mama

To all who say hes born is Honolulu
We say DoDo

To all who want him for 4 more

Anonymous said...

There once was a boy named Peter, and he really sucked!

Anonymous said...

Many Cornelians, though certainly not all,
Decided to call on those we elected down at county hall.
"With assessments so absurd,
We will surely be heard.
Our facts will enlighten, naybe even enthrall."
But, Martin dozed, even snored, Vilma was clearly quite bored, and
Harry's texting and leaving? Behavior untoward.
So much for a forum, so long to decorum. Welcome to the "new" Charlotte, y'all.

DistrictSix said...

We have a school system call CMS.

With many problems Elected Official will not address.

More money is needed they say.

Yes Bright Flight is sending people away.

Which leaves us with this ..... Sorry I could not think of anything to describe CMS that would rhyme and they said to keep it clean.

Anonymous said...

There once was a Newt man named Gingrich

Who lobbied, wrote books, and cruised with the rich.

It then came to pass

He has $2.50 gas

He's too bloated to talk so he'll sing it

Anonymous said...

Why wont Barry "trust me" Obama release proof of bin Ladens death?

Anonymous said...

NEWSFLASH: Obama 2013 budge will ad 6.4 TRILLION to the national debt or 225 yrs combined of previous national debt.
(but he says he can do nothing about gas prices)